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Marriage can be so similar to a game of numbers where the result of putting any two figures together is largely dependent on the symbol that goes between them. The symbols of division, subtraction, addition and subtraction will affect the numbers only in the way they are powered to; those symbols form the most important part of that equation.   

The Power Of Addition +

When two people decide to get married, they make several silent but very powerful confessions and agreements. They take of themselves and give to the other, in fact they take all they are and give each other. It is a process of volunteering to add to the other party while allowing the other party to freely do the same in return. This institution of marriage has been built in such a way that the addition has got to be free, unreserved, constant and of content that can be received by the other party. The couple will add to each other’s dreams, hopes, fears, securities and insecurities and many more and this is a lifetime commitment and agreement.

This is why; it is not so much what is being added as who is adding. There is a common mistake that emphasizes ideological similarities and compatibility over spiritual similarity and compatibility. The sons of God will only enjoy the full satisfaction from their wives when such wives have submitted themselves fully to the daughtership of the same God.   A wife’s detailed understanding of business or the mechanics of a car or even the greatness of the sex will never measure to the beauty that comes from her love for and from God.

My wife’s relationship with God is the single aspect of her life that has impacted all the other aspects of my life. Her continual growth in the Lord has made her being a wife and my being a husband much easier than her understanding of anything else would have. And this is simply why, we as men cannot attain the full description of our nature unless Christ is both on the inside of us and is our focus in a similar way, no woman can attain the full nature of womanhood without Christ both on the inside and as the focal point of her life. We have seen several great and not so great women who, while they attain international recognition, were destructive of themselves and those others whom they came to impact. It is as if their finest beauty, talent and wisdom was the very force that destroyed all in their path.

It is not a game of being the kindest, most humble or even most beautiful woman, it is simply a life of manifesting the Christ that very much wants to be manifested in a woman’s life so that her man and their children can reach the fullness of the image and nature of Christ and even pass it on to the generations to come.  

The Beauty Of Subtraction –

The process of becoming a man can be very scary for many men even those in the church. We can blame it on the absence of men in general, the fear of failure, the pressure that comes with the demand to succeed or even the devil. No matter the cause, those scars if not identified and brought to the healing table of Jesus can become cancerous wounds that continually injure the man and those in his world. For most men, these scars become the insecurities they attempt to protect with a false manhood that only presents them as weak beings to varying degrees.  

Now because the wife is the closest person any man will have/ should have throughout his life, it is extremely important that she will be a safe place to expose these weaknesses with the hope that healing will be sought for at the hands of the Healer. Healing is in Jesus and it will take a woman who knows Him and His power to see the strength in her husband and not take the weakness as an excuse to despise him.

And yes, it remains the primary role of the husband to ensure that healing flows in his house but we all know that if he is hurting and struggling in his own steps, the wife should be close by willing to support him through the process. The wife that has known her God will protect her family from all those additions that are designed to weigh them down and stop them from reaching the fullness of their potential. Her trust is in God and from Him alone does she get the strength to keep her family trim enough to make the journeys they were created to make.

In a similar way, husbands know that the healing power of Jesus can only be applied fully to the daughters of God.

The Grace Of Division /

There are other aspects of life that cannot or will not be taken away from a man’s life like the responsibilities of providing, protecting, directing and creating both a legacy and inheritance for his family. These are heavy tasks that do not only require commitment from the man but also the support of a wife.

There is a right way to fulfill these responsibilities and that way will require a very strong commitment to the Lord and the continual trust that He loves and is able. Because the wife is the other eye both in the life of the man and the family, she needs to share in this strong conviction that the Lord loves, cares and is able to do these things through her husband’s life. She needs to be anchored in the same God the same way.

The contrast would be a wife who sees delay as weakness on the side of the man and who goes on to either employ her strength or worse still that of the enemy. In marriage, we cannot share our load if we do not do that in Christ.

The Joy Of Multiplication x

All joy is greater when it is commonly experienced when it can be replicated in the lives of others. Because in Christ we are all equally Kings and Priests, that there is neither male nor female, only a marriage between the children of God will yield double fruit. I have enjoyed prophesying over my wife and having her do the same over me, agreeing as touching anything and seeing fruit I have especially enjoyed it when we shared in fellowship with the Lord together.

In the hands of a godly woman, everything good is twice as much and all hardship is half as strong because she has set her heart on the Lord and He has chosen to delight Himself in her. Her treasure and true gift to her husband is the decision to give her heart to the Lord and only share it through Him. Every husband will enjoy the fruit of his wife’s devotion to the Lord with songs of gladness. 

The Beautiful Citizen:

The concept of community was well understood in the African context. There were wives sharing the well, the children the playing in the fields and the men the hunting. That is how our society was shaped, on principles of sharing and not only items and commodities but also time and lives. There was a time when every society worked together to get ahead, when advancement was not frowned on but admired and in many cases coveted.

That was then and it was beautiful but as society became more progressive individuals realised that in order for them to move faster, they had to detach themselves from those slow fellows, a right decision. They also realised that they could do this alone and that in fact it was better done without involving many people, the less the better. We embarked on personal ambitions with the single goal of getting to our desired destination or positions/status in society.

At the same time and at a higher level we reorganized our society to be all encompassing; of course we were greatly aided by those others foreign and exposed to what seemed like a better structure of society. We formed governments or we accepted them and their role was to take care of all of us. The idea of taking care of all is noble and one that should be embraced by all but it faces its own challenges.

For one we entrust a few citizens from different communities with the responsibility to take care of all. This would be great if these citizens were still in touch with their own communities or if they saw all as part of their community, but sadly these are citizens who have resolved to pursue personal ambitions only. And as we have noted so oftenly, these citizens are in fact shielded from the community and as such are left with this obscene liberty to do as they please. The result is that they have seen themselves or those small communities where they come from as the only service points and the rest, the greater all, have suffered for it.

The rest of us, not entrusted with the greater responsibility, have also been known to forget that we are part of the current community; we have desired progress so much that we have closed our eyes and ears to the plight of those others close to us to that were supposed to be close to us. It is as if we see ourselves as individuals unaffecting and unaffected by everyone else. Our cause is to satisfy ourselves and once that is done, we are at peace.

So we see that what we have today is a society on a race to some place, we race faster each day with no thought or regard of those others with whom we share this home. We have determined in our hearts that time will be bought by money and money by our souls. We have taken from everyone else and decided to give to ourselves simply because the opportunity is here for a moment and so are we.

These motives of fear and greed have left the progress we all pursue, whether at a personal or society level, far behind us and now it seems as if we are running towards nothing. The truth is that we all affect each other and that there is much to go around for a very long time and we need to shun the taking that never fills whatever bags we choose to keep our deposits in. We need to correct the citizen we have created if we are going to see a better tomorrow. 

The Beautiful Person:

Human relations grow through several stages. At each stage, we manifest ourselves a little more and with each manifestation comes or should come a better appreciation of who we are and some level of expectations or demands. Often times the failure of the human relationship is because to person involved fail to grow together through the different stages of the human relationship. One feels that they are cheated while the other feels that a lot more demand is being put upon them.

In Person:

When we first meet a person, all we see is what is left for us to see and devour. At this stage the only luxury we have is that the person can be present to perform whatever function we have for them to perform. There is little obligation to gain more about this person and even less to let them know us. We simply do what brings us together hoping to get on with our lives later.

There is no commitment apart from that which comes easily to us. We may share time, resources, efforts even presence but nothing should be expected of us apart from what we choose to freely and easily give.

In Thought:

Then comes that phone call that says I have been thinking about you. Over the years, humans have perfected the art of talking or even communicating without telling exactly what they think. It is as if we assemble words and carefully use them to hide our personal thoughts from those others we think are not worthy of that sharing.

Our thoughts are closely related to what we believe they can easily be interpreted to tell what kind of persons we are. Sharing thoughts however is an advanced stage in human interaction. Many employers, spouses, friends will appreciate a person who is thoughtful and one whose mind is into the relationship. We see a lot of the person from the thoughts they put into a particular relationship. It is as if they start to expose themselves to us by letting us know the state of their minds.

At this stage some expectations are created and

In Heart:

Most of us follow our hearts, whether we see it or not. Sometimes our hearts are driven by fear and sometimes by faith, no matter the driver, the heart will always lead us to where it sees fit. To see a person at heart level is to see them completely. When we begin to risk our hearts, we start to live completely.

When people begin to share their hearts, they also begin to share themselves completely with those others with whom they interact. At this level we are more committed and willing to commit, we are more reassuring and in need of reassurance ourselves from those others.

When hearts interact, commitment is implied and certain expectations are created. This is why some relationships were only meant to be heart level relationships. When a man marries a woman he loves, he should expect that the heart is going to be shared, not just his person or thoughts, but the heart too.

Often times we miss out on the beauty of a person because we did not synchronize our levels of relationship and as such did not bother to meet the commitment expectations involved.

We should purpose to see people at the heart level because there is where we shall see them completely and more reassuringly. 

A Beautiful Republic

There was a time in our societies when the responsibility to make progress rested on the shoulders of a single individual. That head determined our traditions, way of life and even our economy. In some cases we were the commodities of an industrious trade as long as this individual decreed it so and determined that it was the only course to progress. The African society was not complex and simple to understand then; we knew our position and dared never to oppose that authority of the decreeing fellow. 

Then came the western civilization with its involving kind of leadership, they spoke of things like democracy, voting and even opposition. Such concepts were blasphemous to the African citizen, for a former commodity of trade to know that there was a way he could choose against the owner of the trade was indeed farfetched. 

Even though this system was great in the sense that it handed much of the power back to us, its introduction left us largely uneducated on what it made the rest of us common men. The transition, even though painfully gradual, did not address the mindset of the African society. While the citizens were freed from the bondage of a single monarch, they were not freed from their dependence on that monarch. 

In recent times we have seen a growing strength of what we all call the opposition to the ruling governments in our societies. They have come up to oppose what they think is not right and they have also clearly stated what they think would be right. The challenge is that while they do that ever so passionately, it sounds to a keen ear that they are only pleading to the masses to place them in the seat of the monarch. It is not necessarily an opposition against principles and policies but against individuals and groups of individuals. 

With their ever increasing persuasion the oppositions have rallied citizens behind them to demand for services from governments. And while they have gained a lot of popularity doing so, they have failed to point out to the citizen that keeping a road clean is not necessarily the role of the ruling government, they have failed to help the citizen take responsibility in their communities and of their lives. 

It appears then that we have managed to shift from a demanding monarch to a society that demands for a monarch, which demands for services to be offered by a single individual and in some cases demands for personal favors. 

It is true that the African republic is far from perfect, but even more true is that most the Africans are yet to realize their role in the African republic. We have played this blame and victimizing game for long enough and now is the time to change tactics. Every one of us needs to realize that the government was handed back to us. We are that governments that keeps the roads dirty, that is corrupts, that fails to take children to schools or even make sure that we have proper places of convenience, the government is in our homes and we determine is aura. 

Yes, those in government have lessons to learn too but while they delay to learn, we the people of this republic need to get up and apply the small lessons within our reach. We shall get the government we deserve.

Moving Pieces

Every once in a while we find ourselves on top of a moving something. And when we do we also find that we are static, unable to move in the face of impending danger or for the sake of avoiding the danger. This place where we sometimes find ourselves gives us some things to think about, tests our very construction and challenges us to look at the future with a keener eye. 

The desired position is where everything is controlled by our actions and desires, where we are doing all the steering. We love this because it never leaves us stretched beyond what we want or never challenges us beyond our known intellect. But life does not give that grace too often and for too long. There are times when the ship is moving on still waters and when due to the turmoil of the waters the ship cannot move forward. 

When we consider the kitchens of our grandmothers we shall realize that they attain their value from a set of three stones. Those stones have not moved in tens, perhaps hundreds of years and because of their immobility, a lot has not change and never will until the stones move. Every time we have created a meal we have had to move back to the same stones and cook the same way perhaps the same meal too. 

The mobility of the surface on top of which we sometimes find ourselves is the blessing we need to move forward, to a forward never imagined before. When we decide to embrace the challenge to make a step, with little or no certainty of where our foot is to land, we summon courage and strength previously unknown to us. We make progress happen and we move the boundaries a little further. 

To accept that the pieces will always keep moving, that there are times when we are going to jump to an unseen something, one not seen with the eye, is to embrace the concept of living. With us, there will be certainty and a wave of uncertainty, there will be moments when we are so sure and there will be others when we do not know what to be sure of. In all these moments, to keep our gaze fixed on where we are going is how we shall attain victory. 

The heart knows its home and the way there. Doubt will come in sometimes to discourage us but the road is known to us and when we put on the shoes of courage, we shall embark on this journey with the confidence required.  The further we walk, the longer we keep at this journey of moving into the unseen, the stronger we become, the less the doubts and fear and certainly the better our march.

Our dreams are often the case in which our destiny his kept and while that case is threatening to open many times, all effort dedicated to opening it is a step closer to home, to our kingdom and we should never give up on the quest.

Paintings

Being human is by far the most exciting experience I have had. Not that I could have chosen otherwise but lately I have been thinking of the things that identify all of us as humans and realised that while we have stretched far and wide for descriptions, they have been with us all along.

We see our weaknesses and strengths is unique places, the pause we choose for a picture, the choices we make with our time and money, the words we choose to employ and even the nature of our investments. That is simply the way we are, we are displayed in everything we do and in all we touch. 

In a way, it seems that while we live we make paintings of ourselves and yes we can look to those paintings for explanations. Of course it is much easier to observe those paintings of others and make very thorough descriptions of them than it is to look at ours and see where amendments are needed.

There is a desire to ignore the paintings we make, to blind ourselves to the reality of who we are, who we hate. Our ability to hide from who we really are keeps many of us in circles and cages very much undesired. It is as if to behold ourselves is to die, to be hit with shame so great it would bring the world to an end. 

The beautiful reality however is that to behold ourselves is to fall deeper in love with ourselves, not the mistakes we have made or the accomplishments we have under our belts, but who we simply are. We are endowed with beauty unimaginable, and strength amazing. In each of us, civilized or otherwise lies treasures yet to be tapped. 

There are wells of love on the inside of us, a strange ability to create and see beauty where it is still hidden or/and in some cases is hidden. Who tells us that our children will be wonderful people? We do, we tell ourselves of the beautiful future that will be even when there is no proof that it will be. We rely on our ability to desire good, to love with little or no expectation of good returned. 

But there are times when all we see is darkness, when this ability to create and see beauty is hidden or when we choose to put it aside. In those times we hide from who we are and focus on all the other nothings. When we are tempted to ignore who we are, to avoid our paintings, we should remember that there is beauty in who we have been made and that beauty can turn the dark into light again. 

When we truly see, we learn how to move in the right direction.

Coin Worth

When we walk across a coin on the market place ground we rarely think of the many options that could have led to its falling so far from its previous owner. A torn pocket, angry owner, theft attempt and many others could be some of the reasons as to why a coin of any value would belong to no one at any point.

Value is lost all the time, some thrown away, some dropped like that coin, corroded over time or even simply discarded by those that once held it. When any value is to be lost, the assumption is that those that have lost it have little knowledge of its worth even when they allege that they examined all corners and there was no worth left for them.

Broken Cisterns:

 When we encounter a person that boasts knowledge and yet that knowledge has not benefited them, we are safe to say that even when there is value in that knowledge, by viewing it in a certain way, that value remains hidden. Many people will go to great lengths to create an atmosphere that exempts them from certain responsibilities, they will define reality differently and they will assume that change will come thus.

What often needs to be done is a constant abstinence from twisting the facts to suit our current needs. What is needed is the courage to face ourselves for who we truly are especially when we have fallen from where we once gloried. When we know as we ought to know, then there is hope that we shall get better.

True worth is not in what we know, but in how accurate we know it. It should never be the case that the knowledge we have created for ourselves is in fact a lie whose mission is to keep us safely blind to the reality.

Empty Vases:

There are some of us that have chosen to hide behind shadows. It seems to be the trend today that we should seek to find our true worth out there and never pause to look within, to find if our deeds are not efforts to blind us from what we have become.

 When we refuse to help ourselves get better and assume that by devoting to a worthy cause or by portraying the picture of a good person, what lies deep within will be cleansed, we only lie to ourselves. What life can touch another when it has failed to be touched or to allow itself to be touched?

When we choose to ignore this responsibility to ourselves, we shall soon realize that while we sought to free others; we enslaved them to our own emptiness and yet did not aid ourselves.

There is an order to everything and that includes living. Our first responsibility is to ourselves because the more we realize our worth the easier it will be for us to realize and even enhance that of others. We could hide behind warm hugs when our hearts are cold or we could find a way to connect and correct our hearts.

Mashed Potatoes:

Life will have all its seasons attended to and none of us can surely guard against those seasons we detest or attract only those seasons we adore. It will come to all of us. The task at hand is to determine what positions we shall take during each season.

Tough decisions will have to be made as to what kind of people we shall choose to be in both the good and bad times. We have to set our hearts not to be scared by the rough seasons and not to be blinded by the great seasons. We have all met hurting people whose hurt was so deep and hidden they would be hurt by a complement because that is who they are, hurting.

True worth is not in where we are but in who we are in all life’s seasons. We shall realize that the power remains in us to define ourselves even at our lowest, even when society brands us as defeated. When we take hurt to heart, we shall soon realize that our walk will increasingly become hard and difficult.

Bitter Herbs:

The power of any medicine is not in its taste, but in its contents. When we choose to treat any loss of value, we choose to find those ingredients that will make up for what we have lost. We shall not set our gaze on what does not heal but on what we so desperately need. Courage will be needed if we are to walk through this treatment to our point of restoration, a willingness to abandon whatever sugar coats or shadows that have kept us worthless company.

The humbling realization of our fall must be made if we are to take the herbs with the purpose and diligence due.

We all want to spread our hands in the air of freedom and fly but we all need to realize that the engine is in the heart. When it’s broken, empty, mashed or simply imprisoned, there is really no need to spread those wings because we shall not soar.

We need to let every herb complete its work in us; we need to realize our true worth if we are to keep ourselves.