The Going

My computer broke down today and as would be expected I have to borrow time and keep sitting here. Writing is one of my passions but I would love to do this when the time is right and not during company time.

The Right Time;

we have been known to wait for the perfect moment, to set that moment in place and to simulate that. I think that time and nature have been designed to avail that moment. The nine months after pregnancy, the walk back home, or even the job opening at the end of the year. We may invest a life time to create the right moment, we may travel miles to have the first child and yet all that done could be the very road leading away form the right moment.

I see people loosing happiness to get happiness, dying a lot to live a little. The beginning ought to be the color of what the whole journey has got to yield. The entrepreneur that makes a sacrifice to start a business does so not with a bleeding heart but with one of hope and love. That beginning then is the expression of what he ought to get, his hope and his love. The young woman that says yes to a young man, does so with the hope that many years later she will still have that yes and that she would have received many in return.

The Interruptions;

Then after we have made the beautiful beginnings, we realize that we are to encounter interruptions. A broken car engine at the beginning of the journey, a broken heart at the beginning of a marriage and a lost relationship with one loved. Each journey is started with the anticipation that we are doing the right thing, or that we hope to eventually do that. Even one that is started to cause pain and evil is started with the wicked knowing that they are doing what is right in their interest.

To uncover the true intentions of the heart is a process that baffles many of us. When we tell ourselves that we want to marry, what reason do we usually give? Most of us say that we are marrying for love and that we are truly in love with the one we are getting married to. But do we really understand for what reason Love wants us to get married! Many times we do not, when we give when we walk away, when we do the things we do, do we ever take the time to understand why? That is the ever present interruption, one that will always be there and yet whose effect has tendencies to bite suddenly. When we fail to know why, we have created the ever present interruption.

The Correction;

Love is the greatest cause of all time, but even Love has His own logic and intentions. The parent who educates their child only because they want them to have a brighter future may not notice when the brighter future arrives, the man who marries because he loves the girl may not see when he needs to be loved, may not realize what love is and may be dissuaded from that cause when more attractive options avail themselves.

When have closed our eyes to what we are looking for and, we have closed out the help we wanted and even when we got what we were looking for, we kept searching, uncertain of how long we were going to have it.

The End;

Live each day knowing that every good gift comes from God, He is Love and every time we see a glimpse of good, we see bits of Him. Hold the ones you Love knowing that there is little you could do to get them more, knowing that the gift given, is one that will teach you how to love it, and that the fear of loss is unwarranted. Take time to know why and to look at each day as a moment to learn better.

And finally remember that there is no end, we walk each day closer to it, and yet it gets further with time. So let your endurance be seasoned with love and let all your struggles be in accordance to what Love would want us to do.

The Ugly Affection;

The Meeting;

Seated at the bar counter, she entered and even though she was a distance off, I felt my heart leap, a leap into death;

We all are familiar with the day we first encountered the death the keeps glaring at us, eating pieces of us while feeding us with just enough to keep us alive for the next day’s meal. We subject ourselves to that fatal destiny, to be prey to what has attracted us from a distance. The corrupting politician and the cheating spouse, the student that will not earn their points and the lecturer that will not let them go; we all had a moment of first seeing.

The journey from where we are safely seated to where she dangerously stands can be very short. The plight of our society is not that we have corrupt leaders or prostituted by the road side. Our plight is that the parenting system has been broken. That has been the short distance from where we were safely seated as a nation to where she stood at the entrance of the bar. And when you think of it that was our mistake, to assume that we can just seat and leave our doors open for all that wanted to take a look. Our children have been taught to conquer but not to defend, that which they have conquered.

For decades we prided in our heritage, of how strong our roots were and how long they would preserve us. That pride is not so today, from the day we met the evils that attracted us, we lost the right to pride in the heritage that once was.

The Kissing;

I walked to her, with one desire in my heart, to kiss those wet lips of hers, to kiss myself into the poison that would see my children crippled and grand children incomplete.

When we take those road trips upcountry we often encounter people that tell stories of how their leaders have been cheats, women that speak ill of their co-wives and yet in those stories lies a great mystery. First the husband was cheating, now the co-wife is encroaching on her marriage, first the leader was a liar, today he is a smart man, a hero that has managed to get high on the political ladder.

Like it or not, slowly we begin to kiss that which we once hated. The system of parenting that looks at the most immediate need with no regard to the future the solution being provided will create is what is killing us. Parents that will want to have excellent students of their children with out necessarily showing them how to succeed or why the have to, or even more importantly what success mean, are creating time bombs. Society has placed a demand on all of us, that young women should be indecent to be beautiful, that beauty is a particular definition, that young men should all drive cars regardless of how they get them.

This road we have placed our feet on, it taking us to the furthest peats and it’s not us that will wake to realise it, not even our children will but our grand children.

Making Lo....

I then took her into my arms, my heart racing with excitement looking into the eyes of my death, the very weapons that will render me inhuman and my entire kind..

After all these years, we have become one with the things we purport to fight. The anti corruption unit is in itself filled with corrupt individuals, they are fighting an evil that rests deep into their own hearts and yet they seek to fight it elsewhere. That is why when one of them shows that they have well dealt with that evil on their inside, they all get scared and wish to get rid of such a one, or will remain silent as the loudly corrupt come out against such a one.

We have been made one with what we once thought was only in the others or far off from our open doors. You see while it is not affecting us, its introducing itself to us, not just in this time but also in all of the times ahead. We are slowly being united and developing an emotion attachment and intellectual adjustment. That is the power of a conqueror who will not necessarily attach but keep watching, stretching their hand out for you shake at your ease and they let you know that you are free to stop when you feel like and when we want.

Our First Child;

I held her in my hands, my baby smiling at me laughing at the fool that I had become just to have her..

Many years of holding hands, making lo.. And much more, we are one, we are deprived of the ability to see better. What was at one time blinding us, is one with us and when you think of it, we are not only blinded, we are the blinding factor. We are filled with ignorant knowledge, that strange power that keeps us from knowing that which would have helped us become better. At this point we are not interested in knowing better but in teaching that which we have become to the next generation. That has been the plight of our nation, that our forefathers kept the house open, they gave themselves a chance to know what seemed strange and now, to us , the children of their knowledge that ugly affection is the way of life.

So when you awake in the morning look at what you have and realise that the battle against the beasts around us, starts with each of us conquering those on the inside of us.

Ghosts and Demons

Day 1

Those are the moments when we can literally sleep in the songs that we sing, the music we listen to takes us away from the places of trouble and the faces of danger. When you look around, at that point we are being successful, we are at the places that we want to be at, we talk to the people we are talking to and with the words we want to say. Even though there is much for to learn, we are not bothered by that because it all seems distant and much of it we can do without. In this state of bliss we are virgins in many ways, uncorrupted and yes, we are the elements of purification. We know that there is a treasure on the inside of us, an element the world is yet to see, and when they see they will marvel. Our dreams are building and our ambitions are with energy. Yes we are the people to say yes to.

Day 2

We begin to realize that we need to learn what is lacking. We are now stretching out to be better, our comfort zones are still comfortable but we are predicting what may result if we stay there longer. We have some sort of stability and we are using it to advance. We are unlimited and we can quietly ignore the advice of the cynics and those that don’t understand us. We keep a small group of believers around us, they know the secret we posses and we let them in on it. The future is still bright and we are going places. We are unhampered by the troubles of false and useless desires, we are aware of where we are going and we are determined to get there no matter what. At this point we learn to hold on to a power greater than us, we rely on that power very frequently and we are helpless without that. We are looking into eternity and it is within our grasp, yes we are on a march and we are getting there.

Day 3

Life is too short. We begin to realize the things we have closed our eyes to. Some of the useless desires are now useful because they now fall into our greater plan; they are to be converted to usefulness in a way that will help our march to eternity be more meaningful. On this day we are realizing that we have principles and beliefs, they are part of us and we are part of them, they are what has made us outstanding and different. We are slowly realizing that we are an inspiration to many and they too are realizing that. However we begin to discover anew, things that we now want, we allow ourselves moments to be attracted to that which we earlier thought was not relevant. Of course we are careful, we only let into our lives that which helps us to get where we are supposed to get. We are helping others and they are learning from us. We are pillars to many and we are selling ourselves to causes bigger than us and we are loving that, it’s making each moment count and we are in the center of life. Morning and evening are moments to share ourselves, we believe our lives are worth sharing.

Day 4

A change in weather. We realize that some of the attractions we let into our lives were to our detriment. We have moments of doubt, but we also know that we have come a long way and will not just turn from our beliefs. Our commitment is being tested our strength is being measured and we are to prove that we can make it weak and strong. We are being threatened by the ghosts of the victims we triumphed over, and the demons that we long avoided. We begin to reach to those that looked to us and even though we do not tell them what we see in the dark we let them know that we need their support. Our invincibility is diminishing and we know it.

Day 5

Most of us. We begin to realize that most of who we are is longing for the things that we once hated the most. The slow fade has accumulated and we are now helpless. We have gone down a slope that we find it hard not only to climb up but to even want to climb up. In those moments, we realize that what we casually let into us has eaten most of who we were and has replaced us with an ugly passion. Our strength to say no has gone out and we desire more to abandon ourselves than to fight for who we are. Its sometimes scary to realize that we have embraced a strange ugliness and discarded a sweet beauty. We are finding new definitions for what was once wrong and what was once right. We are walking a deathly road with pleasure.

Day 6

Awakening. We begin to realize that we are lost, that we need to get up to the fight and we need to see like we used to. That is when we step to the fight, not for souls, but for our own. Every effort we can pour out we pour to this fight and even though many times the strange ugliness shows the sweetness of its familiarity, we are not discouraged. Falling is not the measure of who we are, we make the slow short steps and we are optimistic that we are going to make it. This is a time of realizing that ours is a God of Grace and Love, we embrace Him, not just for our weaknesses but for the love He has proved to have toward us. Finally we are determined to fight the demons, and we are no longer scared by the ghosts. Our seven days are coming to a good fill and even though we lost our way along the journey, we were not lost by the one who loves us the most. Then we are realizing that while we celebrated error and while we feared for the state of our hearts, His Love was not far, in fact it’s for His Love that we feared and it’s for His love that we are about to discard all those fears.

Day 7

Amazing Grace. This is the end of my weak. I have some times looked at myself in the mirror and wondered which I was, a saint or a wretched sinner. I have felt my heart get stolen by the evils that I once shunned and I have participated in the unspeakable and yet felt no shame, no shock and no surprise. But this I have learnt, God’s Love is longer than all my days, and that only a fallen man will appreciate the Love of God when he finally stands on his feet again in that Love. That the fallen are not to be discarded, but to be helped to see the Love of God.

We begin to realize that the good fight of Faith is indeed a fight and that we are called to be the keepers of each other not only when they are standing or interested in standing, but also when they are not interested at all. We are, after all, the Light of the world.

To all that have had this week, God loves you and no matter which day of the week you are at, His love will never let you go and when you are in that ditch, He desires to renew you in the newness that is only in Christ and the Life that is only in His Light.

From me, I love you, I love you all.

A New Story:

When we finish telling the old story, then its time for us to create a new story. Some times I find in me a desire to want something that I cannot bring myself to want on my own. Sometimes I find me in the midst of company that I just don’t want, there are days when I want something until am about to get it, then I don’t even get it. I realize on many occasions that my story has grown old, very old, that I am called to get out of here to create a new story, but I fear that the new story will not be as good. And in those moments I realize that I have not written a new story because I have not been with ink in a long time.

The Depletion:

There are times when we are so committed to pouring out that we forget even to get a refill, we fall from a mighty high in an instant and the crash can be very devastating. We do not fall at once though, the fall begins with the loss of the strength to stand, to walk the required mile and distances that we have been walking before. And I guess that is why we never realize that soon we may face a landing. Time can be divided between using it and planning to use it, but what happens when we are without the direction of planning or the strength that it requires to plan. When we come to the end of what we know how to do, when what used to work no longer works, for us, then we realize that we have missed the point, that our ambitions have taken us far away from who we are and that while our deeds may still be noble, the motive has slightly drifted.

Separation:

It is always a bit hard to tell the distinction between being and doing, between who we are and what we want to be. While we are conversant with our desires, on many occasions we are without a clue of what we want and what we should want. There are days when I see opportunities melt into problems, parties turn into tragedies and I ask myself where in my heart the line should be drawn to mark the differences. In those moments I ask myself what is worth it and what isn’t, it gets confusing but I know that I am not alone. When one looses themselves to an event they never completed or have not yet completed, it’s hard to bring them back. Time may be invested in the process and counsel too. That all famous question of who we are, helps a lot. We may define ourselves by what we have, where we stand or where we want to be, whatever the definition that we may choose it has got to be one that will not change with circumstances or feelings. We have got to realize the measure by which we are not only rightly weighed but also, and most importantly, to which we are called.

The Call:

When we say that we are called, we often attach our lives to a great purpose here on earth, and in this case great has nothing to do with size, I am talking about contribution. We each contribute to life, each in a particular way, both the adorable and deplorable. Some call them jobs, others gifts, talents and so on. There are many ways by which we have contributed to life and our abilities are the God given tools by which we make that contribution. God has apportioned to each of us a certain measure of abilities and yet left us with the freedom to choose the extent to which we want to use these tools to contribute.

The Choice:

Some of us have chosen to make a huge contribution with our abilities and yet some others of us have held back. Now, there are reasons that have determined these levels of contribution and some reasons we have chosen, others we have not, there are those brought about by the choosing of others and there are those that are results of our choosing. But there is a choice that I have found to be greater than all the choices we can make with all the freedom we have. We can chose against the One that gives, or what He gives, we can go after the call and leave the Caller or we could seek the Caller first. I have not met many ways of satisfying myself, I have never met a better way to hurt myself than to choose against the Caller.

The Caller:

The Lord God, creator of the heavens and earth. He is the one that longs for us more than anything else, when we lose ourselves to some venture, worthwhile or not, we neglect the reality that we are nothing without Him. We may experience satisfaction in doing some good, but if we do not find the One that is Good, if we do not take time to see us as He sees us or defines us, we are bound to crash and what a mighty fall it would be. Mighty because when we are with Him, we stand at a very high place and when we are with out Him, we sink too deep. Sinking with no hope of rising again but Him.

The Rising:

To go back to the place where we were best defined, not by what we are capable of, or of our accomplishment, but by the Love that is greater than all error and perfection. That is my resolution, the climb may be slow, but it will pay off, for sure it will. Sounds like the home coming to me. When in solitude and we realize something, we can trust that realization more than many more that come to us because someone pointed them out to us. All new stories are created with Him, all my stories, both when am in safety and when my heart aces with great pain.

Splitting A Axe with An Firewood.

Now as much as I know that that statement is wrong in many ways, I refuse to put it down. I know many people feel the urge to do something about it and a very small minority think it’s my right to use the language in a way that I find appropriate to me. All parties will have their arguments, but one thing is sure, none of them would want to raise children teaching them that what my choice of a title is the right use of the language. I should add that if there arose a large group that demanded that I put my heading down, there would also arise a human rights group to protest on my behalf, then I would go on to form a small group of people and raise them in the ways of my ‘folly’.

Bottom line: Even the activists would not wish for their children to be part of my small group of the misled, simply because humans have a code in them, others may want to deviate, but not without great conflict in themselves.

The Case Against Love.

We have started some days with men marrying men and women too. This is not the greatest of human wrongs, but it’s a wrong any way. I do not classify wrongs in degrees. They are in love, so they get married and we all gather with them and celebrate the happiness that they share together hoping that love makes all things alright. Feelings come to all of us, and sometimes they help define us, but there are many times when they oppose the very being that we are. One day this article will come haunting me, I know, and when that day comes, I will be glad that I wrote this. We have used an firewood to split a axe in this matter. We cannot legalize same sex marriages because there is no marriage in the first place. Marriage is between a man and a woman; any other thing is a wrong pretense and should not be taken for a truth. Now I am hated, but we all know that even the gay activists would not tell their daughters that when they grow up they would love to meet their wives; they say it’s a circumstance that they may grow to accept if it befalls them. Now am hated but you get the point.

The Case Against Faith.

The other day a preacher man was in the act of burning Qurans, and shortly after that, another man blew himself to death with bombs alongside infidels. They are men of “God”, acting on His behalf. I think for a moment that “God” has lost it, it would have been easier to send us here wired with the single faith he believes in Himself. But He did not an he left us to choose, and I think we have all made our choices and we have had to leave with people that made the other choice. If we are very passionate about our faith, we should be eager to help others get to it before they leave this world, and not sending them off minus it. I think we should leave the elimination of all infidels to God through His wondrous acts. We should let Him show them how wrong they have been. In the mean time, we should know that people make choices and because of that we should love them even when they choose against the option we presented to them. I think at its best, Faith is Love and love is the respect of the other person even when we would not want to be like them.

The Case Against Rights.

The other day the women decided they wanted to be like men and the men rebelled by marrying many more women and being unfaithful to all of them. The children realized that they can choose even if that meant going against the guidance of their parents. So society enjoyed a blissful moment of a free rights generation. For that reason, we have lost families and in the process, we too have lost identity. We do not know if Britney Spears is Ugandan or if she just has clones here. We are not sure if some people walk our streets necked or not. We all have our rights RIGHT? And we are going to see them enforced. Okay that said, I should add that women walking with their breasts out of their clothes is wrong, at least in public, men showing their chests and underwear is still wrong. Why? Because we have a code as humans, we just don’t dump it to overcome our esteem problems.

The Case Against Me.

I know, who am I so judge like this?

I am Ntumwa Edward Lubega, nothing outstanding about that, except it helps point to the fact that I am human and I care about us turning into Firewood and the world using us to destroy the very things that once made us who we are( some of us). Go on love me.